Author: Tolga

They always do, and I wonder what we can learn from that.

Do they chirp because of the need for communication with a purpose, or just their natural reflex, a kind of tick that they need to make unwillingly?

Why is that important? I hear you ask.

If it is for purposeful communication, my first question would be, how is that different from how humans communicate?

Do they follow the exact communication mechanism as we do?

Meaning; what we want to say in reality is different than how we say it most of the time and how others hear us with their solid perspective and perception rather than being neutral to understand what we say before they react or respond accordingly.

So, do they also suffer from this natural imperfection that we all humans possess?

If that’s the case, so how do they handle it? How do they manage the tension in their communications? Do they also have an operating belief system, then? How does that system work?

If that’s not the case, is this natural reflex that surfaces unwillingly that causes others to understand the state of the initiator and react or respond to it accordingly?

Meaning; a specific sound tone might mean, “I am ready to mate,” and the follower responds.

Is that the case?

If yes, then how did they learn that in the first place? How is that specific sound being conditioned to another bird with the same meaning known to both?

Since a form of consciousness is required to judge things, how does the follower decide, “Aha, this is the thing I need when I want to breed”?

And how does that spread amongst other types of birds and become universal?

Science has much to say about this topic, and I am in no position to approve or disapprove any of the stated theories and all other works of people who devoted their lives to investigating, learning, and documenting all the “whys and hows.”

I am just curious to learn and want to apply what I know to my life.

Why, I hear you ask?

If there is anything new that I would learn to overcome my voids and problems, it’s worth trying everything and anything that might come on my way.

As long as the purpose is to know what we don’t know and later learn to use it to level up in life, is there anything we cannot learn from?  

What is pride?

Why is it needed much?

What does it mean to you?

Yes, but in reality?

What is it actually, then?

Where does it spawn from? What’s its source? When was the first time I experienced that?

What’s its narrative? What might this story tell you, actually? About you? About us, then?

Why is it keep repeating in every life stage?

What was I doing at those times? How specifically was I acting or behaving?

Who are there with me at those times? Why were they so important to me?

How am I presenting myself to them? For what purpose was I doing what I was doing?

Why is that purpose so dominant? Why was it always like that in my life?

So, what did I learn new about myself now?

What do I want to do with this knowledge, then?

If not apply it now, what might I be waiting for to happen then?

Why do I believe that? How do I know that’s true?

For what kind of an outcome do I envisage or assume?

Who am I in that future?

Is this a better version of myself?

Is it a level-up in my life? Will my life be better and in a fulfilled stage?

Is this what you’ve always been searching for?

Is this the one dream you always lived in your mind’s forests and never believed that it was possible? Like this thing that you know but can’t explain?

What is it that I want to do now?

What is the simplest way to start doing this?

What might be the first step towards it?

Why does “that” step seem that way? Also, I made other first steps differently in life, didn’t I? How come, then?

Why is there even a gap?

So, Am I willing to take that first and simplest step that would carry me closer to what I want in life?

If I am not, what stops me today?

Who is stopping me, then?

How long more do I want to keep that blockage? For what purpose?

When will be the right time then? Why do I believe in this way?

And what now?

What would you be willing to do about it?

Hey dear friend,

Putting things into perspective – a new one – is possible through asking such questions in life.

I can see why it looks like a big thing to do – meaning, you will dedicate time and dare to self-reflect on these questions honestly, even which might lead you to confront with whom you have always been resisting not come eye to eye and also to know deep down that there is a good chance of you end up criticize and judge yourself harshly – leading to feeling not so good about yourself.

This is why all people progress and grow in life differently.

Because we all walk at our own pace and form in life, I can see that no one’s worth or capabilities can be gauged by their place at any moment in this life journey.

This framework might help you to see things in a different light.

Whenever we feel and believe we are in that dark place in life, aren’t we all only looking for a small candlelight flame?

There you go, then. Please use it whenever you see fit.

Change the word ” pride” in the painted yellow section of this post to whatever you experience as a void or an unease in your life today and answer them honestly and as authentic as you can – no one will hear about it – and clarify the “choice” you could take to stop this whatever void or unease you live in your life.

There is no right or wrong way of doing this. Only your way matters; “your way” is what you will learn in truth. If done most authentically, the outcome – your clarity in what you don’t know yet – would be trustworthy enough to serve as a foundation in your life.

This is why your progress is your unique pattern in life.

You have the final saying; Either stay where you are in life as is, your operating system prioritized by what you value most in life,

or

you choose to walk down the rabbit hole – into this deep contemplation- with its entire bag of uncertainty, self-doubt, cuts & bruises due to fallings and failings and still unexplainably know and want to keep walking to wherever it leads.

What might come out of this, and how might that change my life to a better mental, emotional, and physical state?

Please be aware that ” that thing” will keep its place as is, and patterns will go on as is if you would not have a change in your perspective of looking at it. Is it not?

So questions I would be asking myself would be:

Would I want to be in this new place?

Would that be the same place I would rather be?

You always have the final saying at all times.

First, you start with “KNOWING.”

This is where you see and realize why you do what you do… This stage contains:

-denial, anger, judgment, blame, shame, criticizing oneself and many others, etc.…

• self-reflection, contemplation, goal setting, dreaming,
• After a particular time, till you realize and understand, you resist believing and experience some breakthroughs that might even start giving desired consequences for you.

The “TRANSITION” state is the part where most of us struggle. It is the period that even if we are aware of “some stuff” about ourselves, we don’t choose new ways all the time. Two steps front and one step back kind of limbo dance we exercise in life’s issues. In this period, we experience that the road always contains bumps and bruises.

Life becomes exhausting most of the time because of this ‘dancing’ like a struggle.

When we succeed, we praise ourselves; indeed, when we fail, we succumb to low self-esteem, mindest-induced acts, and behaviors. That’s quite natural and understandable, similar to a child learning to walk. And we all fall and rise to learn to move to the next level in life.

The “ACTING” stage is directly linked with the “BEING” stage, maybe more than just the knowing stage.

After we realize why we do what we do and how we can do better to get what we want in life, it becomes clear to us that we need to step out of our comfort zone.

That clarity ignites “fear, assumptions, and all sorts of limiting beliefs “in our warehouse – our subconscious and unconscious.”

This is why we stop ourselves during the transition period. It is again an understandable human reflex since we feel insecure and alert in the state of any unknown.

The most common perspective we embody with supporting emotions would be:

• We are aware of the old ways and tired of being victimized by them. We want change. We hope to change. We want everything to happen ALL AT ONCE and immediately. We believe this is the void we must eliminate as soon as possible.
• Yet, we are still inside the “fog of uncertainty,” and as humane as it can be, we start questioning whether:  what we learned works; whether we are on the right track; whether we are capable of doing it; or whether things will end up as we want them to be by stepping out of the comfort zone where we feel entirely safe and secure.
• And that’s, as expectedly, why we live in this massive internal battle to move or stay. When we try to move but fail, we immediately resort back to our “already alerted” limiting beliefs, fears, and assumptions – i.e., the old ways-  we start eating from our motivation “vault.”

This is where coaching, counseling, therapy, and mental health disciplines are needed most.

An Accountability system becomes essential. Encouraging, challenging, clarifying, introducing a new perspective, and focusing on “one step at a time” is what people at this stage need most.

Since people are unique beings in every angle, some decide that they will do what needs to be done to change their lives, and they need someone to be a conduit of change for them by listening and helping them to see what they have not seen yet concerning what they are living in their lives.

Yet, there will also be others who would embody a victim mindset and look for a hero – mainly you as the counselor- to save them and let them have a fresh start.

They would even be promising you that if you “solve this problem for them ONLY once, then they will do it themselves if it happens next time again.”

So while ALL of these above are happening, in reality, what’s happening is that ALL people are ACTUALLY  in the growth and change process in various degrees from the start, even if “ they will not be fully aware of the change and growth process “ they have been exercising at present. It would be a natural feeling, “as if it was always like that.

Therefore, the terminology “I am changing” is irrelevant and not valid because:

• You are either changed  – meaning: you’re not succumbing to old ways as you used to do, like a reflex
• or not changed – meaning: you are still exercising your old ways.

Whenever you say, “ I am a bit changed than I used to be before,” please keep in mind that “ you have not changed, and you are creating a new comfort zone for you NOT to change.

You might believe this is good enough.”. Yes, It is a fact that “ 1 is bigger than zero, – meaning: a bit of a change is better than no change- ” but wouldn’t you be keeping one foot on the deck and putting the other on the boat at the same time then?

This choice will neither take you where you want to go nor be sustainable to keep the “ changed part” intact.

And since, at this stage, you have already agreed to keep “some” of the old ways willingly again, what kind of a different outcome would it be possible for you then?

So be aware of tricking yourself…

Nothing wrong with that as long as you’re happy with it, but how much more would you ignore the real potential you possess? Be mindful that ignoring instead of leveraging will always be a question for you internally.

To sum up,  “ what you want in life is created with your prevailing awareness /consciousness, and the older and not so much working stuff you keep inside, the more limited and distorted your perspective about yourself will be due to that “good old and not so much working stuff”

Be well; choose to be well; since the other way around doesn’t help that much, does it?

Kintsugi (金継ぎ, “golden joinery”), also known as kintsukuroi (金繕い, “golden repair”), is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.

“The beauty of imperfections” …

The 400+-year-old Japanese art of kintsugi (golden repair) or kintsukuroi (golden joinery) is a pottery repair method. It is commonly used to repair it with a precious element. It honors the artifact’s unique history by emphasizing, not hiding, the break.

The profound philosophy behind it is far greater than the artistic method itself.

When a person’s “pottery – a VASE,” something that has a specific value which is underpinned by significant importance, is damaged by reasons be known to that person, instead of hiding it or trying to fix it as if “that damage has not happened” and trying to make it as good as it was before; you choose to emphasize and acknowledge its “brokenness” rather than spending efforts to hide it or make it perfectly repaired. A “gold dust” to make it visible to honor its imperfection.

We have “precious vases” that we do our best to keep as they are. We care and do our best to protect them, yet either by our imperfections fueled up or not by our choices, fears, and beliefs, or when “life happens,” they break regardless of our efforts.

Once we face that incident and see “how it lost its shape or form due to its damage and how it is not the same anymore,” most of us believe that its value becomes lesser.

We become sorry, sad, stressed, anxious, and even depressed, and therefore we might exercise our human reflex driven by anger, resentment, shame, and blame on us and most on others.

We all have been there, right?

Whether that VASE can be anything tangible or not in your life, If you would relate to the above, I would like to invite you to ask the following questions yourself:

• What is “THAT” vase in your life?
• What is its meaning to you?
• What might be underpinning that meaning for you?
• What is your protection “strategy” for it, then? Why do you choose that strategy?
• What happened? How did it break?
• What was your role in that?
• How was your reaction when it was broken?
• What would that mean about you?
• What might ” that REMINDER element” be if you would repair it with “precious stuff “? Why is that specifically?
• Why would you choose that element?
• How much would you be willing to fix it?
• What resources would you need to fix it?
• What would you need most “to accept rather than to resist” and acknowledge its “new form” compared to its original version?
• How would that “new look” be TODAY? What would that mean to you then? What would tell about yourself NOW?
• What might you prefer about this repair “remind” you NOW?
• What might change in someone else’s life if you would share what you learned about this ” repair ” process”?
• Whom would you be willing to start to share “ your learnings from this concept “ in your life?

And the final question that matters most, as I see it, would be:

Which version of your vase would have immense value for you NOW?

Either we choose to make it a challenge and learn or WE choose to create synergy and learn from it. We are beings who are capable of doing perfect and imperfect things and that none of which itself is capable of defining who we really are indeed. 
Would you prefer and be willing to see the eternal liberty in here ? 

Is there a similarity in between a wave to a sea and an act to a person ? 

Is it possible to see that in reality, that they are actually both representations, manifestations of themselves due to a cause regardless of internal or external stimuli ?

How is it that both wave and an act share the same principles then ? Isn’t there the sameness in  neither they don’t come out of no where nor their purpose of existence is a farthest truth than who they are ? 

Keeping those in mind:

When there is a corner – be it a decision if you choose- to be turned in our lives right after we decide to move forward- be it with or without in certainty- who gets to decide the amount of time and type of effort is needed? 

Who would you really prefer that person would be ? Seriously, who can ever be ? 

Know thy self , THIS is in your control  whereas anything else is not. It never was…

“There are no broken people. There are only people who are not listened and understood…”

This is what I come to believe after hours of reading, training, practicing everything I learned. I tried all those insights on me first and I can not believe how my life has changed.

Continue reading “Human behaviour is nurtured…”