First, you start with “KNOWING.”
This is where you see and realize why you do what you do… This stage contains:
-denial, anger, judgment, blame, shame, criticizing oneself and many others, etc.…
- self-reflection, contemplation, goal setting, dreaming,
- After a particular time, till you realize and understand, you resist believing and experience some breakthroughs that might even start giving desired consequences for you.
The “TRANSITION” state is the part where most of us struggle. It is the period that even if we are aware of “some stuff” about ourselves, we don’t choose new ways all the time. Two steps front and one step back kind of limbo dance we exercise in life’s issues. In this period, we experience that the road always contains bumps and bruises.
Life becomes exhausting most of the time because of this ‘dancing’ like a struggle.
When we succeed, we praise ourselves; indeed, when we fail, we succumb to low self-esteem, mindest-induced acts, and behaviors. That’s quite natural and understandable, similar to a child learning to walk. And we all fall and rise to learn to move to the next level in life.
The “ACTING” stage is directly linked with the “BEING” stage, maybe more than just the knowing stage.
After we realize why we do what we do and how we can do better to get what we want in life, it becomes clear to us that we need to step out of our comfort zone.
That clarity ignites “fear, assumptions, and all sorts of limiting beliefs “in our warehouse – our subconscious and unconscious.”
This is why we stop ourselves during the transition period. It is again an understandable human reflex since we feel insecure and alert in the state of any unknown.
The most common perspective we embody with supporting emotions would be:
- We are aware of the old ways and tired of being victimized by them. We want change. We hope to change. We want everything to happen ALL AT ONCE and immediately. We believe this is the void we must eliminate as soon as possible.
- Yet, we are still inside the “fog of uncertainty,” and as humane as it can be, we start questioning whether: what we learned works; whether we are on the right track; whether we are capable of doing it; or whether things will end up as we want them to be by stepping out of the comfort zone where we feel entirely safe and secure.
- And that’s, as expectedly, why we live in this massive internal battle to move or stay. When we try to move but fail, we immediately resort back to our “already alerted” limiting beliefs, fears, and assumptions – i.e., the old ways- we start eating from our motivation “vault.”
This is where coaching, counseling, therapy, and mental health disciplines are needed most.
An Accountability system becomes essential. Encouraging, challenging, clarifying, introducing a new perspective, and focusing on “one step at a time” is what people at this stage need most.
Since people are unique beings in every angle, some decide that they will do what needs to be done to change their lives, and they need someone to be a conduit of change for them by listening and helping them to see what they have not seen yet concerning what they are living in their lives.
Yet, there will also be others who would embody a victim mindset and look for a hero – mainly you as the counselor- to save them and let them have a fresh start.
They would even be promising you that if you “solve this problem for them ONLY once, then they will do it themselves if it happens next time again.”
So while ALL of these above are happening, in reality, what’s happening is that ALL people are ACTUALLY in the growth and change process in various degrees from the start, even if “ they will not be fully aware of the change and growth process “ they have been exercising at present. It would be a natural feeling, “as if it was always like that.
Therefore, the terminology “I am changing” is irrelevant and not valid because:
- You are either changed – meaning: you’re not succumbing to old ways as you used to do, like a reflex
- or not changed – meaning: you are still exercising your old ways.
Whenever you say, “ I am a bit changed than I used to be before,” please keep in mind that “ you have not changed, and you are creating a new comfort zone for you NOT to change.
You might believe this is good enough.”. Yes, It is a fact that “ 1 is bigger than zero, – meaning: a bit of a change is better than no change- ” but wouldn’t you be keeping one foot on the deck and putting the other on the boat at the same time then?
This choice will neither take you where you want to go nor be sustainable to keep the “ changed part” intact.
And since, at this stage, you have already agreed to keep “some” of the old ways willingly again, what kind of a different outcome would it be possible for you then?
So be aware of tricking yourself…
Nothing wrong with that as long as you’re happy with it, but how much more would you ignore the real potential you possess? Be mindful that ignoring instead of leveraging will always be a question for you internally.
To sum up, “ what you want in life is created with your prevailing awareness /consciousness, and the older and not so much working stuff you keep inside, the more limited and distorted your perspective about yourself will be due to that “good old and not so much working stuff”
Be well; choose to be well; since the other way around doesn’t help that much, does it?